Breathing Easy

I'm breathing mostly without pain today. This is significant because it's the first time in weeks.

I started taking Zoloft for post partum depression when McCloud was a few weeks old. PPD was a difficult thing to admit to, but life got better. I smiled more and snapped at the kids less. After a few months, I thought I didn't need the chemical assistance anymore, so I cut back on the Zoloft, then quit all together. It was ok for a while. At least I thought so.

Dan asked me one day if I was still taking it, and he looked dissapointed but not surprised when I told him no. My attitude had gone down hill, and he'd noticed. I thought I had it under control. I was wrong.

I tried to stick it out without the meds, tried to just pay attention to myself and how I was acting. Then one day I realized that I couldn't feel my teeth.

In the early stages of hyperventilation, you can lose feeling in your lower gums and teeth. Most people don't notice, because they don't spend a lot of time in the early stages of hyperventilation. They move right onto the poor breathing. I have a cronic condition that can make it very painful to breath. My body often compensates by modifying my breathing to shallow breaths only. So I basically spend a lot of time in the early stages of hyperventilation before I notice a problem.

Catching this attack when I was loosing feeling in my teeth wasn't enough this time. Even though I was downing regular doses of ibuprofen, the pain wasn't getting better. It was getting worse. When the pain radiated through my shoulders and all the way down to my wrists, and then into my hips, I knew something else had to be done.

I finally made the connection that this was my body's reaction to stress. When all other home remedies failed, I finally made the connection that I needed to start taking Zoloft again. 7 days in, and I'm mostly pain free. It's nice to smile freely at my husband and children again. It's a relief not to have flashes of the horrible things I could do to my children when they are screaming and yelling.

As much as I hate to admit it, antidepressents may have to be a regular part of my life. I'm not happy about it, but I'm happy with the change its made in my family.

Blop-a-dee-do-da

Ok, so I missed a couple days. Let's move on.

I am a bit of a fanatical coupon clipper. But I've been a combination of too busy and too tired and then I started this whole selling stuff business that I've fallen behind. Also, haven't been to the grocery store in like 3 weeks. We stopped at Target to pick up milk, but that's about it. I'm hoping to make it out for a big trip tomorrow night.

Pink eyes

All three kids have pink eye. Ugh. Also, I think Busby has either a bladder infection or a urniary tract infection. He keeps complaining that his butt hurts. He hasn't learned (in spite of what I keep telling him) that it's actually called a penis. I'd settle for any of the usual nick names. At least he's not still calling it his belly.

Today I accomplished ordering my new business cards. They should be here in a week.

Also, I sang to all three of my kids. I love doing that. Busby and Janet make requests. Janet's favorite is "THE BABY SONG!!" (Baby Mine) Busby only wants to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Most of the time they sing along with me. Love it Love it Love it.

Tomorrow's voting day. I'll be there, with or without bells on.

First steps

The only thing I really did from yesterday's to-do list was promoting my Thirty One business. I sent out an email to just about everyone I know last night. So far, no hate emails telling me to shove it. :)

I did manage to get the family room cleaned up, and the sofa is no longer covered with an obscene amount of laundry in need of folding. The kids all have clean, folded, but not yet put away, clothes to wear to daycare tomorrow. Yeah!!!

I'm perpetually tired, but find myself unable to get to bed before 10:00 p.m. I don't want to believe I have over-booked myself, because I really think NaBloPoMo is going to be good for me. There is no other way for me to get myself to consistently blog unless I commit to something like NaBloPoMo.

Ok, so tired, but still must put my own clothes in the dryer...

A to do list

So much to do....

1. Clean my house.
2. Wash the laundry
3. Formulate some kind of weight loss plan
4. Promote my new business as an Independent Consultant for Thirty One.

A word from Big Kahuna

I find it funny that Greenpeace has a hot air balloon that says "Stop Global Warming." Isn't that a little ironic?

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He said I had to put that he was surfing for stupid stuff. I think he found some.

Tradition

There are lots of stories among my husband and his friends of burning things. VCRs, gas grills, 5-gallon water jugs, front yards. I know it's just a matter of time before I come home to a mysterious burning smell and craters in my yard.

For the last four mornings on the way to work, my son has told me "When I grow up, I want to be a fire man." (He says the words independently – fire man, not fireman.) Lots of parents tell their kids they can be whatever they want when they grow up, but secretly hope their child doesn't enter into a dangerous profession like snake charming, lion taming, or fire fighting. I'm not one of those parents. You see, my grandfather was a volunteer fire fighter. So was my father. Which was cool, because back in the day, your kid got to ride in the fire truck during parades and throw candy at the spectators.

My husband was a volunteer fire fighter when we were dating and engaged. When we got married, we did the local department tradition of riding on the back of the engine to Main Street, where the groom wheels the bride down one block in a wheelbarrow.

(Want to make your wedding photographer really excited? Tell him he can ride on the hose bed of a fire truck after the ceremony.)

If Busby wants to be a fire man, I'm not going to stop him. After all, fire setting is in his blood. Shouldn't fire fighting be as well?